A sane mummy brain is best - 24-26 weeks

So...I am pleased to report that food consumption with BB is going rather well (after a few false starts with too hard mango and overly roasted floppy aubergine – this is a learning curve for mummy too not just for BB). However, as previously 'reported', I had rather given up on the bottles, beakers, cups fiasco a few weeks ago and as the weaning process was going well so far I decided that I wanted to tackle milk feeds again – plus the fact that I had a rather important hen weekend that coming weekend that I was very keen to go to made me even more determined to get this cracked. My reasons included that all important weekend but also the fact that I had always planned to breastfeed up until around the 6 month mark if I managed to reach that far and that I was planning on going back to work and a recent discussion with Mr B about BB not taking a bottle led to my question: what happens if it comes to the time that I am due to go back to work and she still doesn't take a bottle? Mr B's response: You'll just have to not go back! Which just seemed ridiculous to me (and no doubt would be to my employer too!).

So I went back to basics and did some more research into the best ways to get babies to take bottles, even though I knew I had tried them all before. I read various forums and the thing that came up time and time again, which I hadn't had the nerve to try yet was going cold-turkey. This involved only offering BB a bottle (of either expressed milk or formula) and not giving in and giving her the breast if she fussed. Previously, after a few attempts with the bottle, I would feed BB from the breast as I did not want her to go hungry or get dehydrated. Feeling rather guilty for even considering this option I made a desperate telephone call to the HV and nervously discussed the issue. She patiently listened and re-assured me that I was not a bad mother for considering this. In fact she said that it was a very common problem and that many mum's find that this is the only way that a baby will take a bottle and that babies would eventually take a bottle because their wasn't any other option. She reminded me that a major problem with going cold turkey was the effect it would have on my breasts, most notably engorgement and possible mastitis, and my milk supply and that I would have to express as and when I felt I needed to.

The following day I gave BB a normal breastfeed first thing in the morning and carried on with the solids as usual. When it came to her next milk feed I offered her a bottle of formula (previous attempts with expressed milk which had not worked left me feeling rather depressed at having to pour it down the sink). This was rather grumpily refused but I kept persevering. As did she. An hour or so later BB started to get tired and I put her down for her lunchtime nap. I was feeling rather shaken and was doubting myself as to whether I should carry on with this. At her next milk feed, though, I offered her the bottle again. She fussed for quite some time so I offered her some food and water. After she successfully drained the cucumber slices from any water they had previously contained I offered the bottle to her again, which she slowly started to take. I was doing cartwheels and letting off fireworks inside but trying to hide this from my face as I didn't want to jinx this particular achievement! BB took the majority of this bottle but then only 4oz of the next. The next morning I offered BB the breast and then followed my new milk routine again – bottle at the next feed (which she took another 4oz) and again at the next – which again she refused. But that evening she took a whole bottle. And I have to say that we haven't looked back since. It essentially took two full days for BB to confidently take a bottle but it has allowed me to have a bit more freedom when out and about, no longer having to worry whether my breasts/nipples were on show to the world when getting into position, and others being able to look after BB if I needed them to.

For that following weekend, we were lucky enough that there were a couple of other new mum's going along to the hen do with similar baby feeding dilemmas/problems. It was agreed that we could all bring our babies with us and that our other halves would also tag along to look after the little ones whilst we were participating in the hen activities. Because a couple of barns had been rented we were able to get all the hens without present babies (or present partners) into one barn and the rest of us in the other, which made it easier for possible night feeds also. But if I had not gone cold turkey on BB earlier that week it would have been rather difficult for Mr B to look after her for any length of time – don't get me wrong, even though he was able to give her bottles, I still popped in to make sure they were all OK. And I have to say, although I was glad it was all working out, it did make me a little sad that I wasn't expressly needed anymore.

Food, Glorious Food - 22-24 weeks

I had a busy couple of weeks planned to try and catch up with various people but it turned out that my car had other ideas and packed up, which meant we were housebound (and village-bound). But we did manage to see the Health Visitor and discussed weaning further. I told her that I was interested in Baby Led Weaning and that I thought that BB was pretty much ready – but I wanted her reassurance that it would be OK to start – it is advised to start BLW when babies are 6 months old and BB was just shy of this. BB has shown all the signs of being ready, she can hold her head up, has been sitting up when supported (and sometimes unaided) for weeks, brings items to her mouth, has started waking in the night having slept well before and is showing an interest in our food. To my surprise the HV was very supportive and agreed with me that BB was probably ready and to just go for it – but to keep going with normal milk feeds as these will still be BB's main source of nutrition until she is a year old.

I felt rather relieved and yet also daunted at the prospect of having to come up with a varied and fun diet for BB, so I was keen to update our online food shopping trolley with lots of different fruit and veg to get her started on. But in the meantime I started BB on a bit of banana, which was a success at first, and then some steamed carrot and broccoli, which wasn't quite as successful.

That afternoon and evening we were all at a friend's wedding. When it came to the sit down dinner, I had BB on my lap who was smiling at the other guests and was generally quite happy. As soon as the food started to come out she was suddenly lunging towards the food and trying to grab it with her fists. So, with the guidance of a nursery nurse (who was also a mum who had done BLW) who was another guest at our table we held some bread to BB's mouth. Sure enough, she sucked on this rather happily until it became a sticky lump of mush. Two slices later and we had to go to the kitchen and ask for some more bread (it turned out that they had received the same request from another two sets of parents who were also starting to wean their little ones – their bread must have been particularly tasty to babies!).

So, the following morning, with the previous evening's success in mind, I offered BB some bread and some more banana – both were refused, hhmmpphhh. The following day I decide to give BLW a break as I wasn't starting to wonder if BB was ready. But Monday morning came, and with a fresh week a fresh start on the BLW came about. Some bread, apple slices, banana, pasta and avocado were all offered and I am pleased to say were all happily sucked and chewed on by BB.

The rest of the week carried on in the same vain. Food was offered. Some was accepted. Some was turned down quite robustly. Perseverance, which I am learning as a parent is an essential required 'skill', is key here. If BB doesn't fancy something then I have to try and hide my disappointment and offer her something else and trust that she (and her body) knows what she needs.

Calm, cups and cradle cap - 20-22 weeks

I took BB to a local toddler group again this week. It was our second time there and we brought our next door neighbour and her 22 month old boy with us. There were a lot more mums and children this week which was lovely but it also made it much noisier for BB, which she didn't particularly enjoy. It made me realise how calm she likes it at home and how much she is like her father in that respect.

BB, who is usually a pretty good sleeper (will typically go from 7:00pm till 6:30am), has now been waking at around 3:00am for an extra feed for the last week. At first we thought it may be further signs of teething or possibly being a bit cold as the temperature outside has dropped quite a bit in the last few weeks. But I am now thinking that it may be due to her getting ready for solids. I have not started BB on purées as yet as I am quite keen to give the whole Baby Led Weaning a go and until now she hadn't really shown the signs of being ready. But she is now very sturdy in her sitting up, her hand eye coordination is also very good (so much so that anything that is anywhere near her ends up in her mouth), and she has started to lunge towards food – making me more aware of what I should be eating in front of her and what I should be eating when she is asleep (or not at all really but where's the fun in that!). So I have made another appointment with the Health Visitor to get BB weighed, have a further discussion about the BLW and to clarify when would be a good time to start – it is advised to start at 6 months but some people go by the baby's actual birth date or 26 week mark, which may be a few days out of the birth date, and others I have heard opt for the 24 weeks mark. All very confusing. But no-one seems to mention if it makes any difference whether the baby was born early, on due date (give or take) or was late. BB was two weeks late so does that mean that she may be ready for solids sooner than the 26 weeks from her actual birth date?

And whilst on the subject of feeding, I have given up on the bottles totally, as we were getting nowhere with those and feeds always left both BB and myself annoyed and having to resort to the breast anyway. I am, however, persevering with cups and beakers (with and without the flow valve). By far the most successful to date, and the messiest, is the Doidy cup. BB is able to hold onto the cup handles and does seem to know what to do with it by bringing it to her mouth (sometimes jolting it quite hard, so spills are very common) and will then either sip the milk or take a few gulps. BB has had a couple of very good sessions with the Doidy cup and others have been total disasters with her pushing the cup away and arching her back and scrunching her face up in disgust. Up until recently I have only been trying the cup once a day to introduce it slowly but I am going to try and use it at every day time feed (apart from the first feed of the day and the last one before bedtime) and top her up with a breastfeed afterwards as well to make sure she is full – maybe this is a mistake but I will keep trying with this for a while and speak to the HV to see if she has any other tips.

BB has had a bit of cradle cap for a little while but it hasn't seemed to bother her and it just flakes away every so often. But recently it seems to be getting a little worse so I am now dabbing it with a bit of olive oil and using a soft brush to loosen the flakes – but I will get this checked out by the HV also.

Bouncing, bubbles and beakers - 18-20 weeks

Although these couple of weeks have been pretty busy, especially on BB's development front, it doesn't seem like much on paper.

A major development has been sitting up. I often let BB have time to lie on her play mat and stretch her legs, and from time to time I have been trying her in sitting up positions, particularly when she has not been too keen on tummy time. She has also been using a Bumbo seat, with a tray so that her toys can be close to hand. And bit by bit, as I have put BB in the sitting up position she managed to sit up unaided at 18 weeks for a good 30-50secs before having a little wobble (long enough for me to capture it on my camera). She is now getting stronger and stronger and can manage a good few minutes before loosing concentration. I am always with her when she is sitting up as she still have a few wobbles but the delight in her face as she starts to master yet another skill is just something else!

BB is now really enjoying her Jumperoo and all the toys attached to it and is particularly loving the bouncing (and mummy is enjoying some new tunes to listen and hum along to).

Another new game of hers is to blow raspberries and bubbles. BB will entertain herself for pretty long periods by trying out these new skills and even making herself giggle in the process – and it is quite fun to watch (and I sometimes join in too – well it would be rude not to really!).

BB has also been getting much noisier over the last few weeks. She is starting to copy some of the sounds of the words we make and Mr B was certain that he heard her say “hello” in the night, which freaked him out totally! But she is certainly making more purposeful sounds and seems to be chatting with us a lot more. BB is also reacting to her name now. When we do call her name she will turn towards us (unless she is in a grump or is really taken by something else which has caught her eye).

Various items are no longer safe if they are anywhere near BB's reach as she is a real professional at reaching out for things and grasping them very confidently now. Pulling at things, which will invariably end up in her mouth – books seem to be a particular favourite at the moment. And when we read books together she is very helpful at trying to turn the pages for me.

I had been a bit concerned that BB still seems to be pretty quick with her feeds and that she may not be feeding enough (although she has always had good level of wet nappies, which is a good indicator that all is well) but at BB's latest weigh in she was 14lb 4oz so is doing really well. I discussed the issue of weaning with the Health Visitor who advised that unless BB seems to get hungrier then to leave the weaning till at least 24 weeks, as this will give her a particularly good

period of having had breast milk. Well, as she is still pretty reluctant to take anything else at the moment there is no problem with this. I told the HV that I was considering Baby Led Weaning and she was actually quite supportive but reminded me that I had to wait until BB was 6 months before starting - babies' digestive systems find it difficult to deal with anything other than milk before this age. However, many do start weaning at around 17 weeks with various purées.

On the feeding front, BB is still very keen on the old boobage! After the success of the previous week I have been trying the cup again but most of the milk ends up down BB's front (and sometimes down her back too). So an emergency trip out to the shops and a beaker and another form of cup with a spout were purchased. The new cup has not gone down well at all but the beaker seems to be a firm new favourite. I say favourite, I am only trying it once a day and she seems to mostly chew on the spout and will take in a little bit of milk – but again it is not a full feed. I have given her a few days off of this but a bit more perseverance is needed, yet again!

The calm before the next wave? - 16-18 weeks

Not wanting to jinx myself, but, things seem to be going pretty well at the moment. Our days seem a lot calmer than just a few weeks ago and BB seems to be rather content. I am savouring every moment of this fairly tranquil time as I am sure it is just the calm before the next wave of unknown territory. BB's teething seems to be calming down a bit too, although she has a few moans now and then, which the cooling teethers frantically purchased just before Christmas help her with.

I recently took BB on her longest drive to date. We were meeting up with friends and some of their little ones for lunch where we all grew up. I was making the journey on my own with BB so I had to thing about timings as didn't want to ruin her good day-time routine of her feeds and nap times. Luckily she slept well on the way there and on the way back but she did find it hard to settle when there were other people there (mostly because she likes to be involved with whatever is going on).

BB has really taken to her tummy time now and has mastered the bottom-in-the-air-push-your-legs-away-from-the-rest-of-your-body-bury-your-head-into-the-ground-whilst-your-arms-wont-move position which she is starting to get frustrated with – time to get the house ready for a crawling baby??

I have been getting BB used to her Jumperoo which is proving to be another life, and time, saver. She will happily stand in it whilst figuring out how to make the music play with a bit more of a bounce from her. She is also becoming more adventurous with her hands and starting to reach out for toys with both of her hands. Away, from the Jumperoo, this means that most of the items which are successfully grabbed by BB end up in her mouth. BB has also mastered a new game of grabbing a toy from my hands (usually her chain of teething rings – her most favourite toy), holding on to it and then letting it go, expecting me to catch it. This game can go on for quite some time!

BB has also now had her third lot of jabs which made her particularly sleepy this week but she has recovered from them well. Mr B came along to these and I did warn him that it can be a little upsetting to see BB having these. But true to form she cried as the jabs were jabbed but after a cuddle from me she recovered very quickly and even smiled at the nurse. BB now won't need any more jabs until she is 12 months, phew!

Having taken a break from trying to get BB to take a bottle I thought I'd try her with a cup. We were given a Tommee Tippee tip it up cup by friends, so I give this a go. The first few tries are total disasters in that BB wont even let the soft spout go in her mouth. Then when she does allow it in she munches on it, sucks some milk up and lets it all dribble out down her chin and all over herself. Mr B says that she clearly doesn't like it and that I should just to carry on with the breastfeeding. However, I am determined to crack this so I give her another break and then offer the cup to her again a few days later, allowing her to play with the handles and generally getting used to it. Miraculously she allows the spout into her mouth and does seem to drink some of the milk – although there is still a fair bit of dribbling going on and she doesn't actually take the whole feed. But it is a major step forward in my book.

Keep rolling, rolling, rolling - Weeks 14-16

There is clearly no moss on my little one. Having not really liked tummy time initially she has got more used to it and is now pretty strong on her arms. She actually seems to enjoy to be perched on them and being able to look around at her toys to see which one will be her next playmate. After a couple of minutes she gets tired out so I pick her up to do a different activity before her next nap. I don't do tummy time every single day as some days BB seems more tired than others. However, when I try it again at 15+1 weeks she surprises me with a proper roll from her front to her back. Hoping that it isn't a fluke I place her down on her tummy again and after a few pushes of her arms and slight twist of her body and legs, her whole body rolls over to her back! We are both delighted and she beams a wide toothless grin at me. But whenever I try and get BB to do this again in front of Mr B or others she seems to get stage fright so I decide to try and capture it on film as evidence the next time she looks as if she might do another flip.

At 15+5 weeks BB also surprises me with her first proper laugh. I was hoping that this might be on its way as she had done a half giggle just after a feed a week or so previously, but hadn't developed it any further so I was starting to doubt myself as to whether it had actually happened. But this one was a definite throaty laugh having done a bit of dancing on her back on her play mat, waving her arms and legs around (copying her mother who was prancing around the living room). This leads to many attempts at making BB laugh again by trying out various silly dances but it seems that none are quite as funny as the original. I'll just have to find something else which she'll find even more hilarious!

The laughter was a lovely moment, which has counteracted the first signs of teething. BB has had a few sporadic days of drooling, rosy cheeks, sucking on her fists (or anything else she can get her little puds on) and a few wails. When I mentioned this to the Health Visitor last time I saw her she said that it was a bit early for BB to be teething. But the signs are clearly there, that there is movement beneath those pink gums! I am hoping it wont be too long or too painful for her before the first bright white tooth pops up - teethers have been ordered for the ready.

One thing I wasn't quite prepared for after the birth was the extent of hair loss that I would have. This only started a few weeks ago but it is literally coming out in clumps, especially when I am washing it or brushing it. I am loosing so much hair that Mr B keeps finding it around the house and asks me to clear it up on a daily basis – a bit difficult to do when picking up hair from the floor isn't really a top priority right now! I'm sure there must be something that could be done with all this hair – I wonder if there would be a market for using it to make wigs??

I have started to get back into my normal clothes, well, I have been able to fit into my trousers for a while now (although I didn't even try my normal jeans for some weeks after the birth and when I first did I couldn't even get them over my thighs! Very demoralising!), but my tops have been a bit tricky as I am still breastfeeding. I have found that the selection of nursing tops out there isn't great and speaking to other breastfeeding mums it seems that everyone has there own way of coping, some don't have any problem with their normal baggier tops and just pop their little ones underneath (BB doesn't like to have her face covered so this is a no go for me - nor is using a sling to keep everything covered for the same reason), some use a double layer of tops so that their stomach is covered whilst they pull down the second layer down and top layer up for easy access to their nursing bra, some use a scarf or the like whilst they unbutton their shirt. I still find the logistics of feeding in public quite tricky so try to make sure that I have fed BB just before going out and get home in time for her next feed – this is not always possible so a stop at John Lewis' parent room is often needed! And having heard of the news of the Brighton mum who was verbally attacked for breastfeeding her four month old in public, this really doesn't help my confidence! But her flashmob event did make me smile.

As BB's four month mark is fast approaching I decide to do some research into weaning. Not that I am necessarily going to start this in the next few weeks (it is advised not to start weaning with puréed food until at least 17 weeks if the signs that baby is ready and not until 6 months for solids – although you still have to feed baby either breast milk or formula until at least 12 months as well - but weaning should definitely start by six months as milk on its own wont be enough for the baby's needs at this stage) but I feel that this is quite a major development stage and that I want to get my prep in early. Many mums have recommended the Annabel Karmel books and the usual baby rice, purées and mashed up foods. I have also been recommended a book called Baby Led Weaning, which effectively lets your baby feed themselves – more research is needed...

Finding our feet - weeks 12 - 14

So, the fitness regime is well on its way and gaining momentum with the DVD being used most mornings; the walks are increasing in speed and duration as I desperately search for pavements to take the buggy on around the two local villages; and I have also now added cycling to the mix by using the turbo trainer in the garage to burn off extra calories, which reminds me that I must update the music on my iPod – way out of date!

BB has started to make changing her nappies more challenging as she has now found her feet and keeps grabbing them with her hands. It is hard to be annoyed when she is so happy with herself at her new acquired skill, even when I am in a hurry to get to an appointment. One of which is her last session with the Osteopath, who is happy with BB's progress and discharges her from any more treatment. This is a massive relief, even though BB was coping better with the treatment she still seemed a little unsettled afterwards. But I am glad that we stuck it out as I was sure that BB's birth must have had some affect on her.

After BB's first lot of jabs I felt more prepared for the second lot. She didn't seem fazed by going back to the surgery and was happily sitting on my lap as I talked with the nurse. We were her last appointment of the day so she seemed more relaxed and chatty than last time. She admitted to me that this was the worst part of her job but she was impressed again at how well BB coped with the jabs. Even though there were a few tears, BB recovered well after a good old cuddle from her mummy.

Having made sure that BB didn't have any side effects from the jabs I decide to see the Doctor to get myself checked out also. I haven't been back for myself since my 6 week check-up and I am keen to find out how my divarication is. I am quite nervous as the Doctor checks my stomach, especially as she seems to be taking quite a bit longer than the other Doctors and Health Visitors who had checked it before. As she checks it over and asks me to crunch up so that she can check it further she finally announces that she cannot feel a gap at all. No gap! I am so relieved! I had explained to her the various exercises that I had been doing and she seemed pleasantly surprised with the results. She tells me that what I am doing is clearly working so to keep at it. This news really helps me to turn a corner on my own health and I feel as if I am truly getting back to my old self.

I also finally arrange a catch-up lunch with some of my work colleagues (having had to cancel on them a couple of times before) and then pop into the office afterwards. This was very strange indeed. I suddenly felt as if I had been sciving off and was being brought back to see the headmaster. It was really nice to see everyone and to see that not much had really changed around the office, except for the fact that there was a new person at my old desk!! Thoughts invariably turn to when I'll be back there, and although I still have another eight or so months of maternity leave left I can't quite believe that four months have already gone by.