Motherhood Understood
I was speaking with my sister-in-law the other day, whose little boy is now 10 weeks old, and she was telling me about how surprised she was at how long it was taking her body to recover from the birth. But what surprised her most of all was that even the antenatal classes didn't really prepare you for it. They go into great detail about the labour and birth (of course) but not nearly enough about the aftermath - and she's a nurse! I agreed with her, as it took me a long time to recover too, and at the time I thought it was just me not being "made" to give birth. It also reminded me of the new Cussons Mum & Me advert I had seen on TV, which I am glad they are showing (even if for a split second - the painful sitting down even on a comfy sofa springs to mind) the realities of recovery and the difficulties of being a new mum - #MotherhoodUnderstood - I think there is an element in that advert that most mums can relate to.
Heart to heart
I finally managed to get myself for a dental and hygienist check up this week at my new surgery, the latter of which ended with a bit of a heart to heart about being a mum with a career, and how conflicted it makes us. My new hygienist has two daughters, one 13 years old and one 9 years old, and yet we both understood each other's positions. She told me that she was now a single mum, so the pressure was really on.
Our mini-discussion led us to agree that the wish for having a family and a career should possibly be discussed during the career talks at school, so as to help decide what job may be more flexible around having a family (but I fear that might scare parents, making them think that their children are being encouraged to have a family), and yet, part of me wonders why we should sacrifice the careers we really want just because we may want a family too some day. This reminded me of Licia Ronzulli, an MEP from Italy who took her tiny baby to work: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1314283/Licia-Ronzulli-brings-baby-EU-Parliament.html proving that both are just as important as each other to some.
Will we ever feel as if we get the balance right? Possibly not - but that wont stop most of us from trying!
Our mini-discussion led us to agree that the wish for having a family and a career should possibly be discussed during the career talks at school, so as to help decide what job may be more flexible around having a family (but I fear that might scare parents, making them think that their children are being encouraged to have a family), and yet, part of me wonders why we should sacrifice the careers we really want just because we may want a family too some day. This reminded me of Licia Ronzulli, an MEP from Italy who took her tiny baby to work: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1314283/Licia-Ronzulli-brings-baby-EU-Parliament.html proving that both are just as important as each other to some.
Will we ever feel as if we get the balance right? Possibly not - but that wont stop most of us from trying!
Standing Tall
This month has been a rather busy one for BB. Not only has she mastered crawling (now reaching high speeds from room to room, following us like a puppy), BB is now the proud owner of 4 gleaming teeth, she has added the word dog to her vocabulary and she is now able to stand tall (whilst resting on our coffee tables) confidently for quite some time. I was extremely excited to buy her her first proper pair of shoes this week, being measured and everything!! She now has her first shoe box - proper girly! And she seems pretty happy with them.
We also had BB's first ever parents evening! Yes, seriously. It seems that even at just 11 months old there is enough to talk about beyond our handovers at nursery. Happily she seems to be doing well and the staff are pleased with how well she has settled in nursery even though she is only going once a week.
Unfortunately over the last few days, however, BB has not been very well. She has only had one or two bouts of snotty-ness before but she now has a bit of an ear and eye infection, together with a streaming nose, poor thing. Luckily, it doesn't seem to be affecting her sleep too much at night (apart from the first night when she was up 4 times). On day three of her having some medicine she seems a lot happier but pretty sleepy.
On the work front I can confirm that I have recently handed in my notice and become self-employed. I am trying to build a couple of businesses, slowly, around BB's and my family's needs, which take priority. However, I am keen not to lose touch with the traditional working world and want to set the foundations of possible businesses for me to run when BB (and any siblings she may possibly have in the future) is at school. I want to be a mum and be there for her, but I also want to be myself and earn my keep. I have never coped well with the thought of living off "pocket money" from Mr BB - although it is not really set up like this in our household - we do share everything, which is great, but I still feel as if I am watching the pennies a lot more than before I went on maternity leave. Even with this I still feel that handing in my notice was the right decision for me and the family. Financially, it wasn't going to add up with nursery fees, travel and parking costs etc...not to mention the stress of trying to deal with a full on job but having to leave at my contractual time in order to pick BB up from nursery - pretty much frowned upon by others in the office. I am hoping that being more in control of the work I take on, the type of work and when, will make my life a lot more balanced.
We also had BB's first ever parents evening! Yes, seriously. It seems that even at just 11 months old there is enough to talk about beyond our handovers at nursery. Happily she seems to be doing well and the staff are pleased with how well she has settled in nursery even though she is only going once a week.
Unfortunately over the last few days, however, BB has not been very well. She has only had one or two bouts of snotty-ness before but she now has a bit of an ear and eye infection, together with a streaming nose, poor thing. Luckily, it doesn't seem to be affecting her sleep too much at night (apart from the first night when she was up 4 times). On day three of her having some medicine she seems a lot happier but pretty sleepy.
On the work front I can confirm that I have recently handed in my notice and become self-employed. I am trying to build a couple of businesses, slowly, around BB's and my family's needs, which take priority. However, I am keen not to lose touch with the traditional working world and want to set the foundations of possible businesses for me to run when BB (and any siblings she may possibly have in the future) is at school. I want to be a mum and be there for her, but I also want to be myself and earn my keep. I have never coped well with the thought of living off "pocket money" from Mr BB - although it is not really set up like this in our household - we do share everything, which is great, but I still feel as if I am watching the pennies a lot more than before I went on maternity leave. Even with this I still feel that handing in my notice was the right decision for me and the family. Financially, it wasn't going to add up with nursery fees, travel and parking costs etc...not to mention the stress of trying to deal with a full on job but having to leave at my contractual time in order to pick BB up from nursery - pretty much frowned upon by others in the office. I am hoping that being more in control of the work I take on, the type of work and when, will make my life a lot more balanced.
Hanging on
Well, well, well...what a difference a couple of weeks make. BB is now crawling with massive confidence and is exploring the rooms that she is usually carried into. The delight on her face just warms my heart. At first, when she was nearing "out of bounds" items such as the TV and sound equipment or the bookshelf of DVDs I would call out her name and she would pause...look at me and smile...pause...and usually stay where she was. That is now totally out of the window. Now, when I call out her name she just carries on on her way her bottom wriggling in the air at me in defiance! So it has started properly. BB really is in charge of herself and I can but watch and protect as best I can. I did half wonder if I could enroll her in some sort of puppy school? would that work? he he he
And I don't think that her mobility will be limited to just crawling for very much longer. The last couple of days have seen her getting the strength enough to pull herself onto one foot on both her cot bed and our coffee tables, clinging on, like a scene out of "Cliffhanger", only without the cliff!
So baby proofing has become top priority this week. Plug sockets have been blocked, anti-door slammers have been put in use but we still need to sort out drawer and cupboard closers and stair gates.
BB had her first full day at nursery this week and she did amazingly well! After we arrived I stayed with her just for a few minutes until she was distracted enough by some of the toys and left her to it, hoping that she wouldn't notice that I had gone. However, by the time I reached my car the tears had descended. These were mine, not hers. She was still happily playing as I drove off in tears. I distracted myself with the radio and once I got home and managed to pull myself together. Luckily I had planned a busy day in the hope that I wouldn't miss BB too much. I called the nursery after an hour and again after lunch to make sure she was OK. Both times they confirmed that she was napping and had been playing well with the other little ones. I was so relieved that she was enjoying herself. When it came time to pick her up I was excited to see her smiley face. When I saw her one of the baby rooms she was playing happily with some toys and she just saw me at the doorway and smiled! I was so happy! I had to let a couple of the other mums out of the room and so was out of BB's eyesight and when I actually managed to get into the room BB was balling. Her little face was going red and tears were rolling down her cheeks. The surprise at seeing me again and then "disappearing" had obviously upset her a little, but it was nothing some mummy and BB cuddles couldn't sort out!
BB's first birthday is fast approaching - she is now just over 10 months old - and the grandparents are already worrying about presents, which made us start to worry about the fact that we hadn't even thought about worrying about presents yet, never mind a party or celebration of some sort. Guess we'll need to start thinking about it!
And I don't think that her mobility will be limited to just crawling for very much longer. The last couple of days have seen her getting the strength enough to pull herself onto one foot on both her cot bed and our coffee tables, clinging on, like a scene out of "Cliffhanger", only without the cliff!
So baby proofing has become top priority this week. Plug sockets have been blocked, anti-door slammers have been put in use but we still need to sort out drawer and cupboard closers and stair gates.
BB had her first full day at nursery this week and she did amazingly well! After we arrived I stayed with her just for a few minutes until she was distracted enough by some of the toys and left her to it, hoping that she wouldn't notice that I had gone. However, by the time I reached my car the tears had descended. These were mine, not hers. She was still happily playing as I drove off in tears. I distracted myself with the radio and once I got home and managed to pull myself together. Luckily I had planned a busy day in the hope that I wouldn't miss BB too much. I called the nursery after an hour and again after lunch to make sure she was OK. Both times they confirmed that she was napping and had been playing well with the other little ones. I was so relieved that she was enjoying herself. When it came time to pick her up I was excited to see her smiley face. When I saw her one of the baby rooms she was playing happily with some toys and she just saw me at the doorway and smiled! I was so happy! I had to let a couple of the other mums out of the room and so was out of BB's eyesight and when I actually managed to get into the room BB was balling. Her little face was going red and tears were rolling down her cheeks. The surprise at seeing me again and then "disappearing" had obviously upset her a little, but it was nothing some mummy and BB cuddles couldn't sort out!
BB's first birthday is fast approaching - she is now just over 10 months old - and the grandparents are already worrying about presents, which made us start to worry about the fact that we hadn't even thought about worrying about presents yet, never mind a party or celebration of some sort. Guess we'll need to start thinking about it!
Doing the deed - no, not that one!
The time has come and a big decision has been made in our household. As I have previously written we have been discussing, as a family, the various options in terms of my returning to work and or becoming a stay at home mum. Well, we have finally come to the conclusion that with nursery costs, petrol and parking costs and the amount of time that BB would have to be in nursery that I will not be returning to work. That is, not to my old work. And so, I recently handed-in my notice. It was not an easy decision to make but it does feel like the right one for us for now. Instead I will be becoming self-employed so that I may work around BB's needs. I am working on a couple of projects in order to do this and I am rather excited at the various prospects. Although it is rather strange to think that I wont be returning to the office and working with my old colleagues, for me, since the arrival of BB, my priorities have simply changed and I want to change my work-life accordingly. Saying this, BB will be going to nursery once a week so that she gets proper play time with other little ones and gets used to being around other grown ups. I truly believe she will get a lot out of it. And this will give me a full day of focusing on work matters. My mother has also very kindly volunteered to look after BB for another day in the week so giving me two full days to work.
BB has just had her first holiday! We have just got back from a few days in North Devon and I have to say that BB coped with the traveling and staying in a new "strange" place very well. We booked a self-catering cottage very last minute and it worked out really well. We stayed for four nights and had two good days' worth of weather. Luckily the farm where we were staying had very good facilities including an indoor swimming pool, which BB loved. We did manage a couple of day trips out to local beaches and seaside resorts too and BB had her first proper meal out too. I am so glad that I have been doing Baby-Led Weaning with BB as she was able to have the fish fingers off of the children's menu at the restaurant. The waitress was a bit skeptical that BB would be able to eat all of them (three) at first but I was confident that BB would be able to manage - she often has three or four at home. BB did not disappoint! As soon as they arrived (well a few minutes after in order to allow them to cool down a bit) she picked one of them up and tucked in. We also gave her some of our salad and allowed her to suck on a couple of chips (no salt). The first time she has had chips and she didn't seem overly impressed with them and returned to the fish fingers. But the plus point of this experience was that she didn't make much mess and it showed to Mr B (and re-iterated to me) that BB is able to eat proper meals out from time to time.
Crawling is almost there. BB is able to get herself onto all fours and does a bit of revving. She sometimes manages to push herself backwards but often just ends up lying flat on her tummy and rolling around. But it is clear that she is thinking more and more about it and with each day she is getting a little bit closer to being mobile - eek!
Her speech is coming on too. "Dada" and "daddy" have been mastered, when the moods takes her she will say a "ello" and a "bye", and every so often she does do a bit of a moany "mum" or "mummy". "Na na na na" is slowly but surely turning into "no no no no" and this morning she attempted at saying "teeth" (which she is fascinated with still not having her own just yet - although again, I don't think these will be too long in appearing).
BB managed to get herself into a fit of giggles last night which was hysterical to watch. There didn't seem anything obviously funny but something had clearly tickled her. With two days off of her 10 month birthday BB is truly becoming a little mademoiselle and becoming a lot of fun with it.
BB has just had her first holiday! We have just got back from a few days in North Devon and I have to say that BB coped with the traveling and staying in a new "strange" place very well. We booked a self-catering cottage very last minute and it worked out really well. We stayed for four nights and had two good days' worth of weather. Luckily the farm where we were staying had very good facilities including an indoor swimming pool, which BB loved. We did manage a couple of day trips out to local beaches and seaside resorts too and BB had her first proper meal out too. I am so glad that I have been doing Baby-Led Weaning with BB as she was able to have the fish fingers off of the children's menu at the restaurant. The waitress was a bit skeptical that BB would be able to eat all of them (three) at first but I was confident that BB would be able to manage - she often has three or four at home. BB did not disappoint! As soon as they arrived (well a few minutes after in order to allow them to cool down a bit) she picked one of them up and tucked in. We also gave her some of our salad and allowed her to suck on a couple of chips (no salt). The first time she has had chips and she didn't seem overly impressed with them and returned to the fish fingers. But the plus point of this experience was that she didn't make much mess and it showed to Mr B (and re-iterated to me) that BB is able to eat proper meals out from time to time.
Crawling is almost there. BB is able to get herself onto all fours and does a bit of revving. She sometimes manages to push herself backwards but often just ends up lying flat on her tummy and rolling around. But it is clear that she is thinking more and more about it and with each day she is getting a little bit closer to being mobile - eek!
Her speech is coming on too. "Dada" and "daddy" have been mastered, when the moods takes her she will say a "ello" and a "bye", and every so often she does do a bit of a moany "mum" or "mummy". "Na na na na" is slowly but surely turning into "no no no no" and this morning she attempted at saying "teeth" (which she is fascinated with still not having her own just yet - although again, I don't think these will be too long in appearing).
BB managed to get herself into a fit of giggles last night which was hysterical to watch. There didn't seem anything obviously funny but something had clearly tickled her. With two days off of her 10 month birthday BB is truly becoming a little mademoiselle and becoming a lot of fun with it.
Nursery Times
So...as I wrote on my last post, BB's first settling-in session at our chosen nursery was just about to happen. Naturally, I had mixed emotions about it, however, BB still being so little had no idea of what was to come.
As BB hasn't been away from me for very long, and if she has it has been with another family member, the nursery suggested that we do two settling-in sessions a week to start with to see how she does. On the Monday we had an 1hr30 session in the afternoon and I stayed with BB for the whole session. It mainly served to allow BB to get to know the rooms she is going to be in, the staff and some of the other little ones. And she did really rather well. She would look up at me every so often, as if to check whether it was OK to play with certain new toys and then she would happily play with them.
Our second session, was the following morning for 2hrs. We did pretty much the same as the previous day but they had a snack time mid-morning and when BB was put in the high-chair in a room full of other little ones bashing their tables etc she suddenly became overwhelmed. Standing in the doorway I could see her bottom lip start to wobble and I could tell she could have a little melt down. Luckily one of the staff noticed this and I went to BB. She had a little cry but once she got hold of a bread stick she was OK again. Once settled back in the baby room the staff asked me downstairs for a drink for 10-15mins to see how BB coped without me there. As it turned out I don't think she actually realised that I had gone as she was engrossed with the new toys that she was discovering.
The third session was the following Monday afternoon and after a good half-hour or so it was suggested that I leave BB for a while longer. So, not really knowing what to do with myself I went to the local newsagents and bought myself a magazine and sat and read for a few minutes, trying to keep my mind off of how BB was doing. After 25mins or so I headed back. As soon as I walked in I could see that BB was crying. I was suddenly concerned as to whether she had been upset for the whole time that I had been away or if she had seen me coming up the stairs and that she suddenly realised that I had been away. The staff re-assured me that although BB had looked around for me a few times that she had played well with the other little ones and that she only started crying shortly before I came in. Still, it was still hard to see her upset so I gave her big cuddles and we had nice mummy and BB time once we got home.
The next session was on the Thursday morning and the staff suggested that once BB was settled that I should leave her for the rest of the session. A full 1hr30! BB did her first ever hand painting whilst I was there and then I went off to do a little shop, got some petrol, phoned the nursery to check on BB (she had a few tears when she realised I had gone but had settled again), did some cleaning at home, prepared BB's lunch and then went back to pick her up. This was the week that we had really good weather so when I went back to pick her up the baby group was outside (under a gazebo), but again, as I got there I saw that BB was bawling her eyes out. I was concerned that she was not enjoying herself but again the staff re-assured me that she had actually been fine for most of the session and that it was only when one of the other babies had tried to get up onto a slide and that she was left for a few seconds that she got upset. Again, I gave BB big cuddles and got her home for more mummy and BB time. We had the long weekend ahead of us and her next session wouldn't be until the next Friday, so plenty of family time ahead.
Over the next few weeks BB will just be having one settling-in session a week and I'm just hoping that it will get easier, for both of us.
As BB hasn't been away from me for very long, and if she has it has been with another family member, the nursery suggested that we do two settling-in sessions a week to start with to see how she does. On the Monday we had an 1hr30 session in the afternoon and I stayed with BB for the whole session. It mainly served to allow BB to get to know the rooms she is going to be in, the staff and some of the other little ones. And she did really rather well. She would look up at me every so often, as if to check whether it was OK to play with certain new toys and then she would happily play with them.
Our second session, was the following morning for 2hrs. We did pretty much the same as the previous day but they had a snack time mid-morning and when BB was put in the high-chair in a room full of other little ones bashing their tables etc she suddenly became overwhelmed. Standing in the doorway I could see her bottom lip start to wobble and I could tell she could have a little melt down. Luckily one of the staff noticed this and I went to BB. She had a little cry but once she got hold of a bread stick she was OK again. Once settled back in the baby room the staff asked me downstairs for a drink for 10-15mins to see how BB coped without me there. As it turned out I don't think she actually realised that I had gone as she was engrossed with the new toys that she was discovering.
The third session was the following Monday afternoon and after a good half-hour or so it was suggested that I leave BB for a while longer. So, not really knowing what to do with myself I went to the local newsagents and bought myself a magazine and sat and read for a few minutes, trying to keep my mind off of how BB was doing. After 25mins or so I headed back. As soon as I walked in I could see that BB was crying. I was suddenly concerned as to whether she had been upset for the whole time that I had been away or if she had seen me coming up the stairs and that she suddenly realised that I had been away. The staff re-assured me that although BB had looked around for me a few times that she had played well with the other little ones and that she only started crying shortly before I came in. Still, it was still hard to see her upset so I gave her big cuddles and we had nice mummy and BB time once we got home.
The next session was on the Thursday morning and the staff suggested that once BB was settled that I should leave her for the rest of the session. A full 1hr30! BB did her first ever hand painting whilst I was there and then I went off to do a little shop, got some petrol, phoned the nursery to check on BB (she had a few tears when she realised I had gone but had settled again), did some cleaning at home, prepared BB's lunch and then went back to pick her up. This was the week that we had really good weather so when I went back to pick her up the baby group was outside (under a gazebo), but again, as I got there I saw that BB was bawling her eyes out. I was concerned that she was not enjoying herself but again the staff re-assured me that she had actually been fine for most of the session and that it was only when one of the other babies had tried to get up onto a slide and that she was left for a few seconds that she got upset. Again, I gave BB big cuddles and got her home for more mummy and BB time. We had the long weekend ahead of us and her next session wouldn't be until the next Friday, so plenty of family time ahead.
Over the next few weeks BB will just be having one settling-in session a week and I'm just hoping that it will get easier, for both of us.
Moving on...
The main topic of conversation at the dinner table
between Mr B and myself at the moment are to do with BB's impending
movement. She is not crawling yet but there is definite gearing up
for it, or wanting to move. Whilst lying on her front BB
confidently straightens her arms (as if she is a yoga expert) and
arches her back. She straightens back down and starts to frantically
kick her legs whilst trying to simultaneously lift her bottom up. It
all leads to quite a height of activity but she is fantastically
happy with herself with her progress and only a little bit annoyed
with herself that she has only been able to shuffle around a little
rather than being where she would like to be...closer to her toy of
choice at that moment. However, last night it seemed that BB may go
straight to walking, or at least coasting. She actually managed to
balance on her own (whilst we loosely held her arms).
BB had her 9 month development check last week.
She was checked for her sight, hearing, grasp (including the pincer
grasp - ability to pick up small or thin objects between her thumb
and forefinger), checking her weight and discussing other general
health or development queries for BB and myself. The Health Visitor
asked how I was coping now and I was pleased to say that it is much
easier than it was at first. I discussed the difficult start that I
had had and she asked whether I thought whether it would be helpful
to speak to someone about it - however, I am feeling pretty good at
the moment and the thought of delving back into it right now just
doesn't seem right. The Health Visitor seemed OK with this and made a
note that I was still dealing with my "trauma". This word
worried me a bit as it seemed so exagerated, but, actually, when I do
think back it was a pretty traumatic time. I mentioned the
possibility of talking it through with someone to Mr B and I was
pleasantly surprised that he wasn't totally averse to the idea as I
think that we may both get a lot out of it. In time.
We have now had to lower BB to the bottom of her
cot as she was starting to get very strong with her twists and turns
and we didn't want to push our luck by waking to a thud one morning!
The height of the bars don't seem to have worried her so all is well.
We have also had to move on to our third baby bathing system as our
bathroom was becoming a wetroom with the amount of splashing involved
at bathtime. We first started out with a Tummy Tub Baby Bath and then
moved on to the Mothercare Supabath, which quite honestly we could
have started with and skipped the Tub. We are now using the
Mothercatre Aqua Pod which has suckers on the bottom to stick to the
bath. It has a seat to support BB which gives her much more room to
splash and play without the water splashing over the side.
My
sister-in-law's due date has now come and gone (by two days) so we
keep reminding them that each day is a bonus day in terms of getting
jobs done and getting things ready - although they seem pretty on top
of it all. Speaking to her over the weekend obviously reminded me of
BB's birth, which I am getting my head round more and more, although
it still does haunt me a little I do feel as if I am 95% better in
myself physically and emotionally.
This
afternoon I will be taking BB to her first settling-in session at a
local nursery, and as I have written previously, I have mixed
feelings about this but I do think it will be good for BB (and for
me). Let's see how we both cope hey!
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