A year went by...

...just like that!!

A whole year since my last post, now that is either laziness, mega busy-ness or a mixture of the two. That and the fact that I found it difficult to come up with something new and fresh as often as I used to, to post about. When BB was a baby, everyday seemed to be filled with potential for posting. The last year (from age 2 - 3) of course there have been major developments in BB'ss speech, communication and general learning but most of these have sort of crept on me.

With BB's third birthday coming up (yes, her third, already), I am busy getting ready for her little celebration. We are not too big on inviting every single little person she knows so we tend to do a small BBQ gathering with family and friends, and yet I still feel the pressure to make a glorious cake (other mum's seem to be whipping up master pieces which wouldn't look out of place on The Great British Bake Off - whereas my attempt last year with the buttercream icing was more of a melting swamp look with floating strawberries (some may have been drowning), I blame the heat of last August melting it all and not my poor baking skills!). So, today I did a test run of a new cake recipe and a new buttercream icing recipe, and even attempted some flowers with a pipingbag. Now, the stress of doing this with BB at my side and attempting to either destroy or eat what I was trying to make at every stir aside, I think it was actually a good effort. I will have to give Mr B orders to take BB out of the house for a few hours when I make the actual birthday cake to avoid birthday day dramas, but at least I now feel more confident about what I want to achieve with the cake.

(the icing on the actual cake won't be quite as crumbly - 

that was some of BB's input today)

We recently came back from a couple of weeks away in France (BB's first foreign holiday). I have been using flashcards for BB's first words since she was around 6 months old (when she was able to sit and actually look at them) and I have been using French flashcards for around the same amount of time but not as frequently. However, in the run up to the French holiday I used the French flashcards a lot more and made sure to speak in French with her on our days together. And I have to say it did seem to build her confidence. Whilst on holiday, although by no means fluent or using it all the time, BB was using the odd word here and there and was able to tell us the French word for certain things that we had been coaching her on. When we got back into our back-at-home-routine nursery told me that she had been teaching some of the other children some of the French words. I beamed! Teaching her French has always been a must for me (as I grew up in France and Belgium, growing up with various languages around me, it is really important to me that BB learns at least one other language other than English).

And so, BB is starting at the preschool section of her nursery. She was due to start in September but has had a few settling in sessions for a few weeks and when she was being asked to go back into the 2-3s room for the afternoon session, she apparently started to act up. So much so that they had to take her to see the big boss! Well, a little chat with BB that evening and it was clear that she had simply loved her time in the preschool room and just didn't want to back with the "babies" as she put it. When I explained this to the nursery the following day they suggested that they try her out in the preschool room for the whole day to see how she coped. When I picked her that evening she was very happy and had had a brilliant time (with no acting up). So, BB is officially a preschooler, eek! And only a year away from big school! So, yes, we have already started to discuss the various schools around us! Aarrgghh!

I think there will be quite a few more posts this year!

Family Time

We just spent four days just the three of us (and a couple of visits to Granddad and Nanny's obviously). Mr B and I both took Thursday and Friday off work and ventured out to the Forest of Dean for a walk to the ponds. It was a gloriously warm day, the sun dappling through the canopy of green above us. BB stopped several times to pick up what seemed like every single fallen leaf or twig she could find and then exclaiming "Leaf!" or "Tig" for twig.

Sitting on the sofa last night, having put BB to bed, Mr B and I reflected on just how much BB's speech has come along even in just the four days we spent together, without nursery trips or work worries (not too much anyway), we were totally focussed on us as a family and were able to be more attentive to the words BB was saying to us. She had already got into the habit of repeating words she already knew as she got up in the morning. Almost as if testing herself and making sure that she hadn't forgotten them overnight. But now, she is trying out more and more words and if she hears a new one she tries it out for herself immediately, nodding her head as she expels the new sounds.

She has also got to the point where she actually thinks about the questions we put to her and she will give a proper "Yes" or "No" answer, causing much hilarity to us.

I know most parents probably feel this, but it is a wonder watching a little being learning on a daily basis and enjoying it as much as she does. But dropping her off at nursery this morning, feeling her arm clench around me as we cuddled, it made it all the harder to go off to the office. Mr B admitted that it was hard knowing that BB had changed, grown and loved being with both mummy and daddy for those couple of extra consecutive days and now having to go back to the normal weekly routine. Which, yet again, throws back my old quandary about work v being at home. I know what my ideal is. And it is that ideal that I'm still striding for. It may take a little while longer but I know what will work best for us as a family and that is what I am aiming for. The best.

Manners Matters

As BB has been soaking vocabulary like a sponge over the last few months we have been careful to implement the "Manners Matters" rule. I say "rule" it is really just me trying to make more of an effort in teaching her to say please when asking for something, thank you when something is given to her and sorry if something silly has happened. I don't really like to use the word naughty so early on as she is still too young to fully understand naughtiness (at 22 months she is mostly curious and adventurous and mishaps are bound to happen when you are like that!).

Obviously she still needs reminding to say these words but she is saying them and that is the important thing to me at this stage, to get her used to them and when to use them. I was inspired by my friend who has a little girl just over a year older than BB and she is possibly the most little behaved little girl I have come across. When I asked my friend how she managed it she said just sticking with it and repeating the words and the right times over and over. So, although I know our little BB is very strong minded and will eventually do what ever she wants, I want to give her the best teaching that I can give her. And manners really do matter to me, so if she can learn to say please, thank you and sorry it only be a good thing!

2 year check

I've sort of been looking forward to BB's 2 year development check up in a couple of months as we haven't had much to do with the Health Visitor for a long long time. So I was a bit disappointed to receive a letter from them saying that this check up is no longer necessary unless we have any concerns with her development.

Personally, I think BB is doing amazingly well but I guess that's what most proud parents think. In their letter they've set out the things that 2 year olds should be doing, including having a vocabulary of around 50 words. At first we thought this number was rather large, so I decided to make a list of the words we know she uses already (BB still being 2 months off of being 2 years old), and the list is still growing at just under 100 words. Yep, we've got a talker on our hands!!

Innocent Little Words

BB's vocabulary is very quickly expanding. She is so pleased with her knowledge that she will often look around the room looking for objects she knows, will point at them and say the words. We think she is very clever, particularly when she does this in front of others, despite the fact that most other little ones are progressing just the same, we still think she is particularly clever. Biased? Oh, absolutely.

At Toddler Group last week (I only seem to get organised once a month to attend to this at the moment!) I spoke with a really interesting mum of 3 who in her former role was a...I want to say Environment Scientist - or something along those lines. Her husband is still carving out his career in this field also and seems to be doing particularly well. When I asked her if she would be going back to work at some point she said that she'd probably do the 2-3 month project work trips (which are voluntary), but not back to the career itself as she will have had too much time out of it, and as her husband is doing so well, she would never be able to catch up. No, she said she would have to find alternative work that would fit around her children's school schedules, which she knew would be tough.

We also got into a deep conversation about a programme she had heard on the radio about how most parents feel some amount of guilt whatever they choose to do - be it being a full-time parent, part-time working or full-time working, or whatever other option there may be - there seem to be so many these days. And that most of the guilt and or pressure we perceive to be under is mostly brought on by our own thoughts, pressures and expectations which we put on ourselves, so we might as well just feel confident in the choices we make for ourselves and our families.

Loaded with this refreshed self-confidence in my own situation I moved forward with a work proposition which had been set to me over the course of the previous couple of weeks.

However, it is amazing how innocent little words can affect you. A friend recently posted on Facebook that she was glad she had been a full-time mum when her girls were young - she is now retraining to be a nurse as her daughters have settled well at school but it does mean a lot of studying and training time away from the family, which is difficult. This comment came the week that I had just formally accepted a short-term contract for a part-time role back in the legal sector - it is an offer I feel I can't refuse and yet doubt about being away from BB keeps creeping in. I know this is exactly what I want to do but at the same time, I'm not sure how I'll feel once I am in the swing of it and away from BB. I'm sure she will be fine as she is doing really well at nursery - so much so that she is now starting sessions with the 2-3 year old group (she is just 21 months old) - and she will still be having a full day with my mother, who is still very kindly looking after her for one day a week to help us with childcare costs.

Still, I know I will miss BB's funny daily antics and even her whining which can sometimes get to me - can I admit to that?! Oh well, I just have. Good thing she is my little treasure, hey!

Time Away

Holidays, for me now, are about reading and writing and a break from cooking. Mr B tends to do all the cooking, which he is pretty good at to be honest. We recently spent a week up in Snowdonia so that Mr B could do a fair bit of mountain biking. We were lucky with the weather and he was able to ride every day for a couple of hours, leaving BB and I to play in the log cabin we had rented on a lovely well-kept development. They also had a great playground and a few Shetland ponies in neighbouring fields. But it was clear that at just over 18 months old there wasn't a huge amount for BB to do, and timings with meal times and her middle of the day nap made it a bit tricky to go out and about to far away from base. Our next visit will be different though. Clearly, the older she gets, the more we'll be able to do with her and for her.

Just over a month ago I attended the Chipping Norton Literary Festival. It was its second year, but my first. AND, my first night away from BB. I was glad that I had the festival to look forward to and to concentrate on as when I had time just to myself I found myself feeling like a bit of a spare part. Although, I did make the most of my lie in, despite waking up at around 6am I stayed in bed till 8:30am and read my book, without disruption - apart from the delivery of a hot chocolate in bed! Bliss.

I left the weekend rejuvenated and inspired to keep writing. A month on and my mum is keeping me on track by editing the second draft of my novel and demanding more pages from me on a regular basis. Nothing like a mother demanding pages from you to make you write!!

Mummy's Day Out

A few weeks ago I went to an old colleague's hen do. It seemed as good an excuse as any to get Mr BB to look after BB on his own for the afternoon (of course he took her to his parents for back up, so another attempt is being plotted for a longer time away!).

Anyway, back to the importance of this post: hen do/day off of being mum but I kept catching myself talking about being a mum - I was the only mum there (apart from the bride-to-be's sister-in-law who was at the time suffering from morning sickness). Yes, I had become that woman. The one who talks almost exclusively about her child. And I was totally aware that I was doing it, even though inside I was shouting at myself to shut up. Although to be fair, the other girls did keep asking me about BB so what's a girl to do?!

I was so excited about the day ahead that I arrived dead on time - the restaurant we were meeting at was shut, despite its sign saying it should have been open for an hour already. So I waited, in my best jeans (with no food smears or generic child's marks), smart jacket and heels. I was going to show those girls that I didn't live in jogging bottoms/leggings/old jumpers or the like, really (although I blatantly do!). Well, as the organisers of the day arrived (30 mins late - I was only counting so as to have something other than my shivering to concentrate on), it was clear that most of the girls were treating the day as a smart/casual event, emphasis on the casual - they were going to go all out for the evening part by all wearing dresses. I was clearly overdressed and looked like the mum-out-on-the-town. Oh well.

We had a lovely lunch with A LOT of prosecco whilst we all got to know each other, and before heading to the to the Clifton Wine Cellar for an afternoon of Champagne tasting (during which the hen had to wear a French outfit - garlic string included). Very glad to have had a proper meal before the tasting as those bubbles were gloriously giggles inducing devils! The tasting was brilliantly entertaining with the owner of the wine cellar who seemed a little nervous at the gaggle of girls ready to get going with the drinking. He coped really well and we all had a wonderful afternoon as he described the history of Champagne, how it is made and the differences between the good Champagnes and the better Champagnes.

Once we finished with the tasting, we found our mode of transport for the next part of the day, but not before the hen changing into her next outfit - a browny/grey velour tracksuit. Ready for the Hummer limo waiting for us in The Mall Clifton, right outside my old flat! Oh the shame! And yet, with the specially chosen tunes for the hen pumping, the nightclub lights on and more prosecco flowing, it was a hilarious ride to Bath! Once there, we headed for a craft shop where we would be making bunting. Now, bearing in mind the copious amounts of alcohol drunk so far, it may have been better for us to have started with this particular activity. However, the creativity did seem to flow pretty well, even if a few fingers were pricked along the way.

I left the group once we got back to Bristol, readying myself for dinner with the in-laws. Thankfully, this went fine, although Mr BB did keep saying that I was slurring my words a bit to which I proudly replied "I HAVE been drinking all day!" ha ha ha.  Spoken like a true mum let loose for the day!

tum, tum, tum, tum, tuuuuuuuum

Just over a month ago I started the 30 day shred. Unfortunately a week and half in I injured both my ankles after I had gone for a run, did one of the 30 day shred level 2 sessions and stupidly then did another exercise DVD (both exercise DVDs without trainers on!). Because of this I've had about a month off of any exercise as my ankles were simply too painful. Luckily, this coincided with my giving up chocolate for lent so I didn't actually put any weight on, but it certainly leveled out for that time. However, this weekend I managed to go out for two runs and a short session on the rowing machine, and was pleased that the old ankles seemed to cope well with them.

So, in yet another bid to try and get rid of the leftover "tum from being a mum", I am attempting the 30 day shred yet again. To be fair, when I started it last time, it was making a difference. Even in just a few days my stomach felt firmer and stronger.

Weight has been checked and measurements taken (I've never taken exercise this seriously before), so, here's hoping that with a bit more sensible eating (my downfall I'm afraid) and a refreshed attitude towards squeezing a workout into busy days of entertaining 19 month old daughter, working and extra studies, that the leftovers will be banished forever. Well, for a little while at least!!

Bye Bye Bottle

During February, Mr BB was lucky enough to have a few days away skiing with work - a perk of the job which hasn't been available for a few years, obviously. Still, for days and weeks leading up to his "work trip" he went to great lengths to establish that it was a "work trip", and practically no fun would be had. None whatsoever, really, it's work, with work people and clients. Hmm, I nodded in agreement knowing full well that skiing is one of his favourite holidays and could see that despite himself, he was leaping for joy inside, which was really nice to see.

At first I thought it would be quite strange without him and I wondered how BB would cope without him. He tends to put her to bed and they have a little bedtime routine, and they had only had one night apart and that was a year ago when she was 6 months old. So this could be different. And tricky. So I braced myself. We spent the first night just the two of us, and luckily BB was fine. I had managed to tire her out enough in the day that she just wanted to go straight to sleep when bedtime came round. But in the morning, she kept looking for her daddy. Pitter-pattering from room to room, but no luck. This routine took place every morning until he was back and he got her up, to a lively cuddle and a "welcome home" jump on his belly back in our bed. Order was restored.

Whilst Mr BB was away, I took the opportunity to try and get BB off of the bottle. I've read that it is ideal to try and wean them off the bottle by 18 months but I know that many have struggled to do this. And despite my wanting this, flashbacks of the times we tried to get BB to actually take a bottle in the first place kept coming back to me! So, without any fuss I put BB's milk in a beaker (with a top on) and placed it in front of her on her high chair and walked back to get her cereal ready. As I turned back, to my amazement BB was guzzling away at the beaker, with no complaints. She had been used to drinking her water out of a smaller similar cup so I think this helped, but still, I was so relieved. And we haven't looked back since. Bye bye bottle, bye bye calling BB a baby.

Parents' Evening v Parents' Evening

Apologies for lack of posts of late, have been meaning to post but just haven't got round to it...naughty Mummy BB!!

Anyway, since my last post we have had BB's second parents' evening and as she is graduating to the "Toddler Room" we were given her handover book to keep. We were also lent her "record" book for a few days, before having to return it to the nursery, in which they have stuck photos of BB that they have taken during various activities. It was really lovely to go through, but most of all, it was simply astonishing just how much BB had changed over the last 6 months or so. Of course she has grown, but she seems to have changed so much from the slightly grumpy-refusing-to-smile-for-photos stage to the happy, dancing, giggling little girl she has already become. So much so that I am sometimes ashamed at how difficult I found the first few months of BB's life and at how much I struggled to bond with her properly. Now, it is a totally different matter. We have a great bond and she just makes me so proud to be her mummy.

BB has made friends with a lovely little girl at nursery who, whenever I drop BB off, comes running over to her and waves in her face - a really lovely sight as I leave BB for the day.

I also celebrated my 33rd birthday recently. Well, when I say celebrated, what I mean, of course, was that it was just another normal Tuesday. I couldn't bring myself to go to the toddler group over the road though, so we went to the playground just BB and me, which was lovely. Mr BB and I were going to go out for a meal but as it was a weeknight and he tends to be the most shattered man on earth after work we decided to put it off till the weekend. This also happened to be one of the snowy weeks so we were limited as to where to go depending on which roads were passable. We ended up opting for the pub in the village. Much easier. As we left the house it started to thunder and lightning lit up the non-street-lamped streets, so that was sort of a bonus. As we were waiting for our table at the pub, the fire alarm started to go off. Yet we persevered with the evening, with a group at another table who were also celebrating a birthday and who finished off with a cake and candles. We kept the low key element alive by sharing an array of starters and good old fashioned pub grub mains. Still, I was wearing my lovely new birthday jumper and I was out for the evening with my lovely hubby. And that's all I really wanted.

Oh

So...today was the first day that when I dropped BB off at nursery she just waved me off and went on happily to play with her friends. This is a good thing. Of course it is a good thing. But I didn't quite realise just how quickly the "I'm fine on my own, Mum" stage would surface! I'm sort of glad that she didn't want one last cuddle from me and that there were no tears, as is the usual little ritual. But at the same time, as I walked down the stairs and saw that she had caught sight of me leaving and simply smiled and carried on playing, a little part of me wanted to just stop and say "Oh!". So here it is, again, "Oh!"

Decisions Decisions (a mini post)

I thought I'd got away with it, but I haven't quite. It has started. People are now starting to ask whether we are planning on having any other children. I guess I've been lucky that it has only just started. BB is coming up to 16 months and I guess it is inevitable. And truthfully, we have started to talk about it. Talking about the fact that we're not sure whether we are ready to add another little one to the mix, just yet, if at all. We love BB so much and we really struggled with the first few weeks and months of parenthood - do we really want to go back there? Looking back at BB's baby photos I really find it hard to think back to those days. Motherhood just didn't feel all that natural at first, I was shattered all the time, Mr B and I argued a hell of a lot and it took a long time to recover from the birth physically and emotionally. Having thought about it more and more over the last few weeks, after Mr BB stated, quite seriously, that he really wasn't sure whether we would have another, I got to a point where I could just about  be OK with focusing just on BB. But at the same time, I can't quite get my head around the fact that BB could be an only child, like me. I always wanted more than one. But maybe waiting a bit longer to consider it seriously is the answer.

Got myself a walkin', talkin' livin' baby bish bosh

...well almost - BB is now confidently walking between myself and Mr B and we try and get her to do this every evening (as well as me placing her by the sofa as she clings on to it and then sitting a few feet away from her and saying "walk to mummy", which makes her turn, giggle and waddle over!).

I came home from my weekly run last Saturday to Mr B stating, "Right, something's happened. You are going to be both pleased and unhappy. I think". Great! I know that BB is OK as I am sure that Mr B would have been a bit more forthcoming with information if something had happened. As it turned out, whilst he was hoovering with our Henry Hoover, BB was following him, pushing Henry around - very helpful little girl that she is. As he was starting on the stairs (we have stair gates at the bottom and the top) he made sure she was safely with him. And then it happened. She started to climb. Climb and climb and climb right up to the top of the stairs. Now, she hasn't done this before, most likely due to the fact that pretty much as soon as she started crawling we installed the gates, so this was quite a big achievement in our eyes. And a scary one at that. But she proudly showed off her new skill to her grandparents later that afternoon to raptuous applause - so I'm sure it is a skill she will keep pulling out of the bag on demand.

As the autumn/winter sets in we have started to light our log burner again, which has meant we have had to get a fire guard. Although we live in the countryside, our house is fairly modern so we have gone for a pretty sturdy, unswurly type, which actually looks pretty modern as well as safe.

This weekend saw BB's first ever projectile vomitting, and the first vomitting in my car! At least it was on the way to the Doctor as she had not had a great night with a horrible cough which was making her almost choke on phlem she was bringing up (this was going on for about 1h30 in the middle of the night so pretty scary). As it turns out she is fine but when she coughs it is putting pressure on her diaphragm and bringing up whatever she has inside. She had a good Saturday night and Sunday so we thought she was on the mend. However, she was sick again this morning after some more coughing. Unfortunately, she has also been off her food over the last few days. So plenty of rest and cuddles for her as well as healthy snacks throughout the day.

Having had a bout of doing lots of exercise, a few months ago, and altough I am running at least once a week, I have started to feel like a bit of a frump again, so, I am determined to start up a new fitness regime. I just need delve into my week and, like on an excel spreadsheet, minimise some columns in order to maximise my fitness column. Hhhmmm we shall see...

Cuddles and Kisses

Apologies for massive time gap since my last post - suffice to say our household has been a little busy of late.

We had managed to pick one of the worst weeks weather-wise to go away, with most of the UK flooding due to the heavy rain. We had gone to Snowdonia and although some parts of Wales were badly hit, we were pretty lucky that the floods didn't reach us - although the heavy rain did.

This did not stop Mr B going on mountain bike rides (all on his own with no signal on his phone) as often as he could - three times - in an effort to make the most of his time away from the office, although this didn't mean he didn't check his work emails and actually have to do some work, most days.

In any event, we had a very relaxing week, well I did, particularly as Mr B did all of our cooking - I prepared all of BB's meals - and I managed to read and finish two whole books! A feat I have not accomplished for some time. SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT!! One of the books was one that I had agreed to review as part of  bloggers team who were reviewing the books shortlisted for this years Man Booker Prize - see link if you fancy it - http://ashasnotebook.blogspot.co.uk/

By the end of our week away, however, I was pretty ready to get back home...and start on the various tasks I had set myself to do. As some of you are aware, I am busy building two businesses around looking after BB and the home - multi-tasking is so long gone. I am way beyond that! ha ha ha!

But back to BB, who seems to be growing at a faster rate than my tasks list, is doing really well. She will now walk whilst holding just one of our hands (as opposed to the clutching onto both of them, which she has favoured for a while), has learnt to give cuddles and kisses (so, so, so cute) - so much so that she gives them to her cuddly toys too - and she said her first "Hi, Daddy" the other night - which just melted Mr B's heart after a long hard day at the office.

However, BB also caught her first sickness bug this week. She has never been a particularly sicky baby so this did worry us a fair bit. Two nights of being sick and a couple of days of rather loose poos (TMI?!?) and she seems to be on the mend. And yet, she does seem to be teething (a constant in little ones I am fast realising) and she has her next set of jabs this afternoon!! boo hiss! But, I am rather glad that she had the sickness bug before the jabs otherwise my mind would be spinning into all sorts of negative directions!

So...till next time...not as long as last time...promise!

The hills are alive...they just are

So...it turns out that the journey up to Snowdonia isn't quite the same with BB as when we did it just the two of us...FULL POST COMING SHORTLY (once we have finished our hols - but I can bet that there may be a mention of an incident with BB and a daddy long legs and possible ingestion of the latter!).

1st Birthday

Here's a question. Who should be the first to say 'Happy Birthday' to your baby? A few weeks ago I met up with a friend who asked me if I thought I might get emotional on BB's first birthday. I told her what I truthfully felt, that no, I didn't think I necessarily would and that I was simply relieved that we had all recovered from her birth and that we had got through the first year relatively unscathed.

That was until the morning of BB's birthday. The days leading up to the day itself were pretty hectic with organising her Baptism the day before her birthday and arranging the logistics of the family for both events, as well as the catering. We ended up having a pub lunch on the Sunday after the Baptism service and then tea and cake (the top tier of our wedding cake, which had been defrosting for the last couple of days following almost 5 years in the deep freeze!) back at ours. Friends popped in throughout the afternoon and it was a lovely leisurely afternoon.

The following morning was BB's first birthday. A special day to me. Unfortunately, the day before, BB had started to get a bit of a runny nose and we weren't totally sure if it was teething again or another little cold (she had just had a week of being well after all of us having had horrible colds - Mr B blames BB being at nursery and actually threatened to take her out, over a cold!). So, as her nose was full of gooey green snot, we cleaned up her nose, gave her a bit of an eye bath (as her last cold led her to having a bit of an eye infection) and getting her up in the normal way. As we were finishing, Mr B went downstairs to get breakfast going and then my mum came in to see BB (she was staying with us for a few days). She asked BB if anyone had wished her a happy birthday yet and proceeded to sing "Happy Birthday" to her. I asked her to stop, please stop (I hadn't had a chance to say those words to her myself yet as I was wanting her to be nice and clean and comfy before we started all the lovely celebrations) but mum just kept on until I forcefully said "Stop!" as she took BB off me for a cuddle. I simply walked out of the room rather upset that I hadn't had the chance to be the first to wish my little girl a happy birthday for the very first time, on her very first birthday. Those words had been stolen from me, and the sentiment. Or at least, that is how I felt at the time. Was I being oversensitive or was I right to feel more than a bit put out?! Hmph!

Motherhood Understood

I was speaking with my sister-in-law the other day, whose little boy is now 10 weeks old, and she was telling me about how surprised she was at how long it was taking her body to recover from the birth. But what surprised her most of all was that even the antenatal classes didn't really prepare you for it. They go into great detail about the labour and birth (of course) but not nearly enough about the aftermath - and she's a nurse! I agreed with her, as it took me a long time to recover too, and at the time I thought it was just me not being "made" to give birth. It also reminded me of the new Cussons Mum & Me advert I had seen on TV, which I am glad they are showing (even if for a split second - the painful sitting down even on a comfy sofa springs to mind) the realities of recovery and the difficulties of being a new mum - #MotherhoodUnderstood - I think there is an element in that advert that most mums can relate to.

Heart to heart

I finally managed to get myself for a dental and hygienist check up this week at my new surgery, the latter of which ended with a bit of a heart to heart about being a mum with a career, and how conflicted it makes us. My new hygienist has two daughters, one 13 years old and one 9 years old, and yet we both understood each other's positions. She told me that she was now a single mum, so the pressure was really on.

Our mini-discussion led us to agree that the wish for having a family and a career should possibly be discussed during the career talks at school, so as to help decide what job may be more flexible around having a family (but I fear that might scare parents, making them think that their children are being encouraged to have a family), and yet, part of me wonders why we should sacrifice the careers we really want just because we may want a family too some day. This reminded me of Licia Ronzulli, an MEP from Italy who took her tiny baby to work: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1314283/Licia-Ronzulli-brings-baby-EU-Parliament.html proving that both are just as important as each other to some.

Will we ever feel as if we get the balance right? Possibly not - but that wont stop most of us from trying!

Standing Tall

This month has been a rather busy one for BB. Not only has she mastered crawling (now reaching high speeds from room to room, following us like a puppy), BB is now the proud owner of 4 gleaming teeth, she has added the word dog to her vocabulary and she is now able to stand tall (whilst resting on our coffee tables) confidently for quite some time. I was extremely excited to buy her her first proper pair of shoes this week, being measured and everything!! She now has her first shoe box - proper girly! And she seems pretty happy with them.

We also had BB's first ever parents evening! Yes, seriously. It seems that even at just 11 months old there is enough to talk about beyond our handovers at nursery. Happily she seems to be doing well and the staff are pleased with how well she has settled in nursery even though she is only going once a week.

Unfortunately over the last few days, however, BB has not been very well. She has only had one or two bouts of snotty-ness before but she now has a bit of an ear and eye infection, together with a streaming nose, poor thing. Luckily, it doesn't seem to be affecting her sleep too much at night (apart from the first night when she was up 4 times). On day three of her having some medicine she seems a lot happier but pretty sleepy.

On the work front I can confirm that I have recently handed in my notice and become self-employed. I am trying to build a couple of businesses, slowly, around BB's and my family's needs, which take priority. However, I am keen not to lose touch with the traditional working world and want to set the foundations of possible businesses for me to run when BB (and any siblings she may possibly have in the future) is at school. I want to be a mum and be there for her, but I also want to be myself and earn my keep. I have never coped well with the thought of living off "pocket money" from Mr BB - although it is not really set up like this in our household - we do share everything, which is great, but I still feel as if I am watching the pennies a lot more than before I went on maternity leave. Even with this I still feel that handing in my notice was the right decision for me and the family. Financially, it wasn't going to add up with nursery fees, travel and parking costs etc...not to mention the stress of trying to deal with a full on job but having to leave at my contractual time in order to pick BB up from nursery - pretty much frowned upon by others in the office. I am hoping that being more in control of the work I take on, the type of work and when, will make my life a lot more balanced.

Hanging on

Well, well, well...what a difference a couple of weeks make. BB is now crawling with massive confidence and is exploring the rooms that she is usually carried into. The delight on her face just warms my heart. At first, when she was nearing "out of bounds" items such as the TV and sound equipment or the bookshelf of DVDs I would call out her name and she would pause...look at me and smile...pause...and usually stay where she was. That is now totally out of the window. Now, when I call out her name she just carries on on her way her bottom wriggling in the air at me in defiance! So it has started properly. BB really is in charge of herself and I can but watch and protect as best I can. I did half wonder if I could enroll her in some sort of puppy school? would that work? he he he

And I don't think that her mobility will be limited to just crawling for very much longer. The last couple of days have seen her getting the strength enough to pull herself onto one foot on both her cot bed and our coffee tables, clinging on, like a scene out of "Cliffhanger", only without the cliff!

So baby proofing has become top priority this week. Plug sockets have been blocked, anti-door slammers have been put in use but we still need to sort out drawer and cupboard closers and stair gates.

BB had her first full day at nursery this week and she did amazingly well! After we arrived I stayed with her just for a few minutes until she was distracted enough by some of the toys and left her to it, hoping that she wouldn't notice that I had gone. However, by the time I reached my car the tears had descended. These were mine, not hers. She was still happily playing as I drove off in tears. I distracted myself with the radio and once I got home and managed to pull myself together. Luckily I had planned a busy day in the hope that I wouldn't miss BB too much. I called the nursery after an hour and again after lunch to make sure she was OK. Both times they confirmed that she was napping and had been playing well with the other little ones. I was so relieved that she was enjoying herself. When it came time to pick her up I was excited to see her smiley face. When I saw her one of the baby rooms she was playing happily with some toys and she just saw me at the doorway and smiled! I was so happy! I had to let a couple of the other mums out of the room and so was out of BB's eyesight and when I actually managed to get into the room BB was balling. Her little face was going red and tears were rolling down her cheeks. The surprise at seeing me again and then "disappearing" had obviously upset her a little, but it was nothing some mummy and BB cuddles couldn't sort out!

BB's first birthday is fast approaching - she is now just over 10 months old - and the grandparents are already worrying about presents, which made us start to worry about the fact that we hadn't even thought about worrying about presents yet, never mind a party or celebration of some sort. Guess we'll need to start thinking about it!