Nursery Times

So...as I wrote on my last post, BB's first settling-in session at our chosen nursery was just about to happen. Naturally, I had mixed emotions about it, however, BB still being so little had no idea of what was to come.

As BB hasn't been away from me for very long, and if she has it has been with another family member, the nursery suggested that we do two settling-in sessions a week to start with to see how she does. On the Monday we had an 1hr30 session in the afternoon and I stayed with BB for the whole session. It mainly served to allow BB to get to know the rooms she is going to be in, the staff and some of the other little ones. And she did really rather well. She would look up at me every so often, as if to check whether it was OK to play with certain new toys and then she would happily play with them.

Our second session, was the following morning for 2hrs. We did pretty much the same as the previous day but they had a snack time mid-morning and when BB was put in the high-chair in a room full of other little ones bashing their tables etc she suddenly became overwhelmed. Standing in the doorway I could see her bottom lip start to wobble and I could tell she could have a little melt down. Luckily one of the staff noticed this and I went to BB. She had a little cry but once she got hold of a bread stick she was OK again. Once settled back in the baby room the staff asked me downstairs for a drink for 10-15mins to see how BB coped without me there. As it turned out I don't think she actually realised that I had gone as she was engrossed with the new toys that she was discovering.

The third session was the following Monday afternoon and after a good half-hour or so it was suggested that I leave BB for a while longer. So, not really knowing what to do with myself I went to the local newsagents and bought myself a magazine and sat and read for a few minutes, trying to keep my mind off of how BB was doing. After 25mins or so I headed back. As soon as I walked in I could see that BB was crying. I was suddenly concerned as to whether she had been upset for the whole time that I had been away or if she had seen me coming up the stairs and that she suddenly realised that I had been away. The staff re-assured me that although BB had looked around for me a few times that she had played well with the other little ones and that she only started crying shortly before I came in. Still, it was still hard to see her upset so I gave her big cuddles and we had nice mummy and BB time once we got home.

The next session was on the Thursday morning and the staff suggested that once BB was settled that I should leave her for the rest of the session. A full 1hr30! BB did her first ever hand painting whilst I was there and then I went off to do a little shop, got some petrol, phoned the nursery to check on BB (she had a few tears when she realised I had gone but had settled again), did some cleaning at home, prepared BB's lunch and then went back to pick her up. This was the week that we had really good weather so when I went back to pick her up the baby group was outside (under a gazebo), but again, as I got there I saw that BB was bawling her eyes out. I was concerned that she was not enjoying herself but again the staff re-assured me that she had actually been fine for most of the session and that it was only when one of the other babies had tried to get up onto a slide and that she was left for a few seconds that she got upset. Again, I gave BB big cuddles and got her home for more mummy and BB time. We had the long weekend ahead of us and her next session wouldn't be until the next Friday, so plenty of family time ahead.

Over the next few weeks BB will just be having one settling-in session a week and I'm just hoping that it will get easier, for both of us.

Moving on...

The main topic of conversation at the dinner table between Mr B and myself at the moment are to do with BB's impending movement. She is not crawling yet but there is definite gearing up for it, or wanting to move. Whilst lying on her front BB confidently straightens her arms (as if she is a yoga expert) and arches her back. She straightens back down and starts to frantically kick her legs whilst trying to simultaneously lift her bottom up. It all leads to quite a height of activity but she is fantastically happy with herself with her progress and only a little bit annoyed with herself that she has only been able to shuffle around a little rather than being where she would like to be...closer to her toy of choice at that moment. However, last night it seemed that BB may go straight to walking, or at least coasting. She actually managed to balance on her own (whilst we loosely held her arms).

BB had her 9 month development check last week. She was checked for her sight, hearing, grasp (including the pincer grasp - ability to pick up small or thin objects between her thumb and forefinger), checking her weight and discussing other general health or development queries for BB and myself. The Health Visitor asked how I was coping now and I was pleased to say that it is much easier than it was at first. I discussed the difficult start that I had had and she asked whether I thought whether it would be helpful to speak to someone about it - however, I am feeling pretty good at the moment and the thought of delving back into it right now just doesn't seem right. The Health Visitor seemed OK with this and made a note that I was still dealing with my "trauma". This word worried me a bit as it seemed so exagerated, but, actually, when I do think back it was a pretty traumatic time. I mentioned the possibility of talking it through with someone to Mr B and I was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't totally averse to the idea as I think that we may both get a lot out of it. In time.

We have now had to lower BB to the bottom of her cot as she was starting to get very strong with her twists and turns and we didn't want to push our luck by waking to a thud one morning! The height of the bars don't seem to have worried her so all is well. We have also had to move on to our third baby bathing system as our bathroom was becoming a wetroom with the amount of splashing involved at bathtime. We first started out with a Tummy Tub Baby Bath and then moved on to the Mothercare Supabath, which quite honestly we could have started with and skipped the Tub. We are now using the Mothercatre Aqua Pod which has suckers on the bottom to stick to the bath. It has a seat to support BB which gives her much more room to splash and play without the water splashing over the side.

My sister-in-law's due date has now come and gone (by two days) so we keep reminding them that each day is a bonus day in terms of getting jobs done and getting things ready - although they seem pretty on top of it all. Speaking to her over the weekend obviously reminded me of BB's birth, which I am getting my head round more and more, although it still does haunt me a little I do feel as if I am 95% better in myself physically and emotionally.

This afternoon I will be taking BB to her first settling-in session at a local nursery, and as I have written previously, I have mixed feelings about this but I do think it will be good for BB (and for me). Let's see how we both cope hey!

Stuck at home mum

Over the last couple of months my car has been in and out of the garage which has meant that I have been literally staying at home as I haven't been able to get out and about. At first I was itching to get out just because I knew I couldn't. Then after the first three weeks BB and I got into a new groove at home. Her naps were like clockwork, she was getting far more confident with food at mealtimes and we were very fortunate to have friends come over to us with their little ones so that we weren't totally alone all the time. However, all this time at home, apart from the walks up to the local shop, meant that BB got to know her toys very well and I could tell that she was starting to get a little bored of them. So a block set of different shapes and colours was ordered which she absolutely loves.

BB has always been pretty strong and I can see that she is itching to get moving but her crawling isn't quite there yet. So, in order to keep her entertained I have also purchased a box set of flashcards, which include the alphabet, shapes and colours, numbers, first words, phonics and sight words. Obviously BB is still very young so I am not sure how much is actually going in (and I am not using them on daily basis) but she does giggle at the pictures and at the sounds - particularly the words "button" and "ball". I also have a pack of French flashcards. Having grown up in France and Belgium I am keen to get BB to learn French so I am hoping that these will get her used to the words and the pronunciations. I already have some French children's books which I have been reading to BB from time to time, which are also helping me to keep my French going.

BB is now just over  7 1/2 months old and over the last month or so there haven't been many changes. Yes, she is growing well and is getting more confident in herself and her abilities but there aren't quite as many things to look out for compared to a few months ago. However, this all changed the other morning whilst BB was sitting up in her cot and I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth. I was waving to her and she waved back. She actually waved back! It was like getting a fin wave from a humpback whale - I saw it in slow motion, but blinked and I would have missed it. I yelped to Mr B who came running and didn't quite believe me. So he started waving to her, she smiled, and waved back to him too. Suffice to say she hasn't done it since but we keep encouraging her.

BB's babbling is coming on too. She will happily bash her arm down to get our attention and start telling us, quite importantly that "bah bah bah bah bah bah bah" - not quite a dada but almost!

BB has her hat on, hip hip hip hooray!

Every week when the grandparents see BB, they tend to comment on how she has changed since the last time they saw her. I have not always noticed these slight changes, as it is not so easy to see them when you spend your whole time with your child. This week, however, I have noticed a few. And it is becoming clear that my baby is not so much of a baby anymore. At 7 months old she really knows her mind and what she wants (and what she does not want). She has definite character and has a few favourite things that really make her giggle. BB is more than just a baby now, she is a little person. And I have to say, I am loving this phase!

Solids seem to be a breeze for her and I am having to try to come up with new things to offer her and prepare proper little meals rather than just fingers foods, which she demolishes with gusto.

I am now making more of an effort to put BB in little outfits when we are out and about rather than just her "onesies", and apart from the struggle to put tights on (one leg escapes as I try to insert the other), the taking off of socks (sock-ons have now been purchased) and the pulling off of hats (need to come up with something here - elastic?), we are doing pretty well.

There is still no real sign of teeth, although BB does have some of teething symptoms which seem to come and go.

As the weather has become a fair bit warmer (not sure how long for though) we have been able to make proper use of the garden. Picnic rug out, BB clothed head to toe (hat has to be replaced on a regular basis) and surround BB with toys - only for her to be more taken with a passing bird or the gentle swaying of nearby trees and bushes.

I have been going through some of my summer maternity wear this week to lend to my sister-in-law who is due with her first baby next month. Talking with her, over an orange juice and a chocolate twist at a local coffee shop last week, reminded me of the worries all soon to be mums tend to have before the big arrival. It was nice to be able to reassure her in some aspects and to give advice as and when she asked for it. With BB bouncing on my lap it really brought it home just how much BB has grown and how much we have been through over the last few months. I remember advice from a friend that once you get to three months and then six months it does get easier but at the time I just couldn't see past the hectic haze I felt I was in. Now on the other side, those first few weeks sort of seem like a lifetime ago. So much so, that Mr B and I have started talking about whether or not to add to our brood - not that we are planning to for some time yet, but, the fact that we are able to even think about it, whereas a few months ago we could not even contemplate why we would put ourselves through the same situation again, feels as if we are moving forward and coping better, together.

Work-baby balance? - 26-28 weeks

Going into my eighth month of maternity leave I start to panic that I potentially only have four months left before going back to work. Now,I know that many mums may have gone back to work sooner than this and that some will not being going back at all. Whichever decision a parent makes as to whether to go back or not is totally personal to their circumstances and some simply love their work.

Personally, I was always adamant that I would have the full 12 months of maternity leave to spend with my baby. I never had a gap-year after A-levels or college and I felt that this would be my “year off”! Now, if someone had asked me during those first three months after BB came along whether I wanted to go back to work, I probably would have said yes, without much hesitation and would probably have asked to have gone back sooner than the 12 months. Now, that the dust has settled and I am feeling more on top of life as a mother I am a bit more hesitant. My mind is often in turmoil as to whether to go back to work full-time, in order to get as much money as possible for a more comfortable lifestyle that the whole family can enjoy, but then missing out on much of BB's continuing development (and her smiles and giggles at nothing in particular, which in turn crack me up); go back part-time, but inevitably end up doing longer hours to try and get all the work done in a shorter amount of time, and have most of the money earned be swallowed up by nursery fees, but then having more days with BB than if working full-time; try and find some work that can be done from home or just not go back to work and grin and bear the massively reduced household income. These are questions that most of us parents will face at some point and are what we are currently mulling over (with more emphasis on the returning to work in some shape or form).

Whatever the answer my Health Visitor advised me when I last saw her that children start to develop attachment anxiety at around the age of one and that it would, therefore, be a good idea to start putting BB in a nursery before then, even if just for a couple of mornings a week. So with this advice, along with Mr B's wish for me to go back to work, I dutifully got in touch with a few nurseries to arrange “viewings”. I have so far been to two and am due to visit two more which are on our short list of recommendations. Our main requirements for a nursery are for it to be somewhere that we feel comfortable for BB to be spending some time in and that the people are on our wave-length. It needs to be either close to home or close to either of our work for quick collection and/or short travel time on journeys. Beyond that I feel I just need to go to a few and see which “feels” like us and then bring Mr B along to my favourite two.

The first nursery I went to is part of a chain and seems to have lots of systems in place for babies' and children's development and is in a purpose built building, without it feeling too austere. It actually felt happy and clean and as if there was plenty going on. Despite this, after just a few short minutes of settling BB in the baby room and speaking to the kind staff and a couple of other mums who were there on settling-in days with their little ones, whilst another baby seemed to be having a marathon crying session, I broke down in tears myself. It suddenly dawned on me that my little baby would be looked after by someone else. Wouldn't need me quite so much any more. And, would probably cope pretty well too. The staff and other mums were very understanding but the tears just kept coming, whilst BB got to grips with some new found toys. I managed to sort myself out and stayed for a total of 40mins. I arranged to go back for a proper show around a few days later when it was a bit quieter and to talk things through with a member of staff. This second session was much better, for me anyway, and having had a few days to get my mind round it, I started to think about it in a positive way for BB.

Still, I think my mind is a bit of a denial phase when it comes to having to think about going back to work. Part of me relishes the freedom of being able to just get on with things and part of me just aches inside at the thought of no longer sharing my days with my little one.

A sane mummy brain is best - 24-26 weeks

So...I am pleased to report that food consumption with BB is going rather well (after a few false starts with too hard mango and overly roasted floppy aubergine – this is a learning curve for mummy too not just for BB). However, as previously 'reported', I had rather given up on the bottles, beakers, cups fiasco a few weeks ago and as the weaning process was going well so far I decided that I wanted to tackle milk feeds again – plus the fact that I had a rather important hen weekend that coming weekend that I was very keen to go to made me even more determined to get this cracked. My reasons included that all important weekend but also the fact that I had always planned to breastfeed up until around the 6 month mark if I managed to reach that far and that I was planning on going back to work and a recent discussion with Mr B about BB not taking a bottle led to my question: what happens if it comes to the time that I am due to go back to work and she still doesn't take a bottle? Mr B's response: You'll just have to not go back! Which just seemed ridiculous to me (and no doubt would be to my employer too!).

So I went back to basics and did some more research into the best ways to get babies to take bottles, even though I knew I had tried them all before. I read various forums and the thing that came up time and time again, which I hadn't had the nerve to try yet was going cold-turkey. This involved only offering BB a bottle (of either expressed milk or formula) and not giving in and giving her the breast if she fussed. Previously, after a few attempts with the bottle, I would feed BB from the breast as I did not want her to go hungry or get dehydrated. Feeling rather guilty for even considering this option I made a desperate telephone call to the HV and nervously discussed the issue. She patiently listened and re-assured me that I was not a bad mother for considering this. In fact she said that it was a very common problem and that many mum's find that this is the only way that a baby will take a bottle and that babies would eventually take a bottle because their wasn't any other option. She reminded me that a major problem with going cold turkey was the effect it would have on my breasts, most notably engorgement and possible mastitis, and my milk supply and that I would have to express as and when I felt I needed to.

The following day I gave BB a normal breastfeed first thing in the morning and carried on with the solids as usual. When it came to her next milk feed I offered her a bottle of formula (previous attempts with expressed milk which had not worked left me feeling rather depressed at having to pour it down the sink). This was rather grumpily refused but I kept persevering. As did she. An hour or so later BB started to get tired and I put her down for her lunchtime nap. I was feeling rather shaken and was doubting myself as to whether I should carry on with this. At her next milk feed, though, I offered her the bottle again. She fussed for quite some time so I offered her some food and water. After she successfully drained the cucumber slices from any water they had previously contained I offered the bottle to her again, which she slowly started to take. I was doing cartwheels and letting off fireworks inside but trying to hide this from my face as I didn't want to jinx this particular achievement! BB took the majority of this bottle but then only 4oz of the next. The next morning I offered BB the breast and then followed my new milk routine again – bottle at the next feed (which she took another 4oz) and again at the next – which again she refused. But that evening she took a whole bottle. And I have to say that we haven't looked back since. It essentially took two full days for BB to confidently take a bottle but it has allowed me to have a bit more freedom when out and about, no longer having to worry whether my breasts/nipples were on show to the world when getting into position, and others being able to look after BB if I needed them to.

For that following weekend, we were lucky enough that there were a couple of other new mum's going along to the hen do with similar baby feeding dilemmas/problems. It was agreed that we could all bring our babies with us and that our other halves would also tag along to look after the little ones whilst we were participating in the hen activities. Because a couple of barns had been rented we were able to get all the hens without present babies (or present partners) into one barn and the rest of us in the other, which made it easier for possible night feeds also. But if I had not gone cold turkey on BB earlier that week it would have been rather difficult for Mr B to look after her for any length of time – don't get me wrong, even though he was able to give her bottles, I still popped in to make sure they were all OK. And I have to say, although I was glad it was all working out, it did make me a little sad that I wasn't expressly needed anymore.

Food, Glorious Food - 22-24 weeks

I had a busy couple of weeks planned to try and catch up with various people but it turned out that my car had other ideas and packed up, which meant we were housebound (and village-bound). But we did manage to see the Health Visitor and discussed weaning further. I told her that I was interested in Baby Led Weaning and that I thought that BB was pretty much ready – but I wanted her reassurance that it would be OK to start – it is advised to start BLW when babies are 6 months old and BB was just shy of this. BB has shown all the signs of being ready, she can hold her head up, has been sitting up when supported (and sometimes unaided) for weeks, brings items to her mouth, has started waking in the night having slept well before and is showing an interest in our food. To my surprise the HV was very supportive and agreed with me that BB was probably ready and to just go for it – but to keep going with normal milk feeds as these will still be BB's main source of nutrition until she is a year old.

I felt rather relieved and yet also daunted at the prospect of having to come up with a varied and fun diet for BB, so I was keen to update our online food shopping trolley with lots of different fruit and veg to get her started on. But in the meantime I started BB on a bit of banana, which was a success at first, and then some steamed carrot and broccoli, which wasn't quite as successful.

That afternoon and evening we were all at a friend's wedding. When it came to the sit down dinner, I had BB on my lap who was smiling at the other guests and was generally quite happy. As soon as the food started to come out she was suddenly lunging towards the food and trying to grab it with her fists. So, with the guidance of a nursery nurse (who was also a mum who had done BLW) who was another guest at our table we held some bread to BB's mouth. Sure enough, she sucked on this rather happily until it became a sticky lump of mush. Two slices later and we had to go to the kitchen and ask for some more bread (it turned out that they had received the same request from another two sets of parents who were also starting to wean their little ones – their bread must have been particularly tasty to babies!).

So, the following morning, with the previous evening's success in mind, I offered BB some bread and some more banana – both were refused, hhmmpphhh. The following day I decide to give BLW a break as I wasn't starting to wonder if BB was ready. But Monday morning came, and with a fresh week a fresh start on the BLW came about. Some bread, apple slices, banana, pasta and avocado were all offered and I am pleased to say were all happily sucked and chewed on by BB.

The rest of the week carried on in the same vain. Food was offered. Some was accepted. Some was turned down quite robustly. Perseverance, which I am learning as a parent is an essential required 'skill', is key here. If BB doesn't fancy something then I have to try and hide my disappointment and offer her something else and trust that she (and her body) knows what she needs.